Disconnect

Sometimes I have a problem connecting the different “parts” of my life. For instance, I may know that I have volunteered at my son’s school and that I have an work-related event, but I don’t realize that they are both on the same date and at the same time until it is too late. It’s an issue I think most of us deal with from time to time, but for me it happened frequently enough that I have lovingly embraced my Erin Condren planner and write everything in it.

Today I realized that I have experienced another “disconnect.” As a mom, I am fiercely protective of the kid. Moms really do have an intuition about our children, and I know when the kid is getting sick or too tired or too overwhelmed. And when he experiences any of these things, I am immediately attuned to his every need. Moms just know their children, and they know what to do to make it better.

Moms also know how to be a good parent from their parents, specifically from our moms. My memories are filled with times that my mother rushed to take care of me … she would rush me to the doctor’s when I used to get sick with Bronchitis as a child; she cleaned me up when I got sick to my stomach, and fed me toast as I recovered. When I got my wisdom teeth out, she made me a special sorbet, and to this day, she makes me her amazing lemon-chicken-noodle soup every time I am under the weather. Plus, while I don’t remember, I have heard stories of how she stayed with me at the hospital when I was a baby and had all kinds of things wrong (a collapsed lung, Bronchiolitis, etc).

As some of you know, I am dealing with a potential new health issue right now. I had some diagnostics done last week, and have a follow-up procedure on Monday (I will explain in detail once I know the results). My mom has been at my side, and while we work together and typically have a very comfortable, teasing, hilarious and wonderful relationship, I have noticed she’s been a bit gentler with me this last week (even though she totally pranked me when went out to lunch; another story for another time).

So I can’t figure out why — when she told me that she had things on her mind — I was so surprised that those things were me and my health. Maybe surprised is the wrong word. Sad and Apologetic were more my feelings. I just felt badly that she is distracted by what is going on with me. I am distracted, as I expected, but for some reason — maybe because I’m so wrapped up in my concerns — I haven’t thought much about how this is affecting my family.

I mentioned to my husband that my mom is worried. He said, “Well of course she is! Think of all your parents have been through with your illnesses and you sister’s illness.” (My sister has Multiple Sclerosis). And as much as I’m embarrassed to say this, it hadn’t really occurred to me before.

My thought process is more of, “What can I do to make as little disruption as possible?” When Mom offered to go with me on my appointments on Monday, my initial thought was, ” I don’t want to inconvenience her. My husband is already taking off.” But now I realize, where the heck else would she want to be? Where would I be if it was my kid?

It occurred to me that I am not the only one worrying about my health. I asked Hubs to be honest with me tonight, and to tell me what he’s feeling because — in my observations — the spouse/primary caregiver’s feelings are often overlooked. He gave me honest answers, and I am so relieved that he did. Never do I want to become so wrapped up in what’s going on with me or my health that I forget to show consideration for my family.

In speaking with my sister, I realized that Hubs and I are not the only ones discussing (or not discussing) the possibilities. She and her husband are talking about it and praying about it; they’re concerned, and thinking about what care they can give. My sister is prepared to jump on a plane at any minute.

My mom and dad are probably discussing (or not discussing) similar things. Mom is focused on what I need Monday after my small procedure. Dad is alert to be ready to pick the kid up, and do whatever else is needed.

My aunt — having been through a similar ordeal — has given me pre-during-and post-procedure tips, so I feel truly prepared for Monday afternoon and less anxious.

And my friends — my kindred spirits — my “sisters from another mister” are praying, telling me to imagine them holding my hand and giving me hugs. They are on alert for appointment times so they can check their phones and respond appropriately. They call, as I text, immediately asking how I’m feeling and what they can do. Some, whom I live near, are inviting us over to distract us from the horrible stress of waiting.

So I drift to sleep now with a renewed energy, knowing that if I have to fight, I am going to have an entire army fighting with me.

Love to all!

xoxo

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Disconnect

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s