New Beginnings?

I’m finished with Chemo! Can you believe it?! I’m actually done. More than a year later, but I’m done! From now on, I am in “screening mode,” which means that I will see the Oncology team every three months — checking blood work and undergoing a breast exam. I will also get a mammogram next week, which as of right now is the only imaging being done.

Honestly, I’m not sure what to do with myself. There are what I assume “normal” anxieties … what if the cancer comes back? Will a mammogram show enough? When will I feel like myself again? But I also have a tremendous sense of relief that it’s all finished.

It’s not the end of the road for me yet. I will have another surgery, but that’s not even a possibility for another six months.

I start back to work next week. I’m so excited. Throughout IV chemo, I went to work a couple days a week, but typically worked in the back (to minimize infection risk). Since surgery and oral chemo, I’ve really not been in the shop much. The general fatigue has kept me close to home. So to know that I get to be at work, interacting with my customers, is a thrilling prospect.

Fatigue is still a concern for me — and will be for some time. But I think the tired feeling at the end of a day full of productivity will be much more gratifying than the feeling of fatigue after sitting at home. In a lot of ways I’m lonely, so I look forward to the human interaction.

I look forward to previous routines (which I can barely remember), like taking the kiddo to school in the mornings and getting to the shop early. And I look forward to new routines, as I adjust to a new normal.

For those who have had a similar situation, what helped you transition from “sick mode” to “maintenance mode”? How did you manage your expectations?

I hope that you all will keep reading my blog. Just because treatment is over, doesn’t mean I will stop blogging. It just means some of the focus may change. Tell me, friends, what would you like to read about?

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